If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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