all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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