Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
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Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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