I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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