then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
