Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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