My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
