So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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