my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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