My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
