You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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