WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
