It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
