Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
