My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The best revenge is premature balding
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
