i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!