Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land