I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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