I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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