well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
