There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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