Non-Jews are for practice
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
