yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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