Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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