the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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