She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
