Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
