I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
