so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
