Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
