I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
