Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
