Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
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