Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize