Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
