There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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