I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So many bounce houses so little time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
