are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
