so that wasnt chicken after all
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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