we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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