Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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