Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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