You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
