the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
