dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".