Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.