i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
