I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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