Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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