I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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