We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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