Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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