my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
