sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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