another moral hangover. fuck.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
