my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
