If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
