did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
