if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
